I Put Out…..Cold Turkey

Do you remember when we first met? When I first inhaled your essence? You consumed me and took me by surprise by just how fast you took control of me. I hungered for you, yielding to your desires ever so effortlessly. You glowed with the lit of match and I could no longer deny myself the taste and smell of you.

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Fast forward, years later, and you still have control over me. You my master and me the oblivious masochist; you bestowed upon me sweet pleasures but bequeathed me unseen pain. An impaired reality, feeling a connection though you offered no affection. I longed for you when I was scared and anxious, believing you were my only mode of solace. How wrong I was.

Fast forward 10 years later, I say goodbye. No bitter-sweet goodbye but a joyful and very trying goodbye.  Minutes will turn into hours, hours will turn into days. Days filled with stress and panic, gasping for just one fix, for just one last rush. It will seem easier to  just go on, for the withdrawal will be no fun.

But with a much clearer head and much needed respect and love for me, I know I have to say good bye, goodbye forever.

Goodbye unfeeling and vicious friend.

You robbed me of breath.

I can’t continue to let you rob me of life.

So I tried something different, out of my comfort zone, I enjoyed writing this piece but I do have mixed feelings about it. Anywhooo, I really do hope you enjoy it. This is my story and hopefully the end of my love hate relationship with the cancer sticks. I know it won’t be easy but with my God by my side I take it a day at time.

To a healthy, better me and an amah-zing 2014.

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